If I were born again.

You know it’s a question that often gets asked and I’m sure a lot of people often consider it. “If you could live your life again what would you do differently”. Now I could be cliché and say “nothing” and that would obviously be a lie. I do love the life I’ve lead and I don’t want to change anything, there is nothing I regret doing. That being said would I do things different given the chance.

Hell yeah.  I mean there are a million, billion possible lives branching of every second that we live. Who knows if they are better or worse but for certain they are different. If you believe the many worlds interpretation then those branches are going on right now. I can definitely say for some of those branches it’s rather other me than me.

So why am I writing this post? Well it was just an interesting thought that came up when talking to some friends and fellow researchers. When a researcher is presented with this question, or some derivative there of, about 90% of the time their answer involves not doing researcher. It amazed me really. If they could change thing they wouldn’t change their field but get out of science altogether.

That got me to thinking, “Is the research life really so hard?”. Well I think not. I’ve never met anyone who does this that isn’t deeply enthralled by what they do, with the drive to do something or find something new. In fact some are so driven that it’s a little scary. Then why given the chance would they get out of science?

I think part of it is that research is always research. Whether you are a field biologist or a theoretical physicist. Ok so in one case you’ll be dredging your way through mud in torrential rain to get that elusive worm sample whilst in the other you’re stuck in front of a huge string of code trying to figure out how the universe comes together but the processes involved are the same. You think of an idea, why it might be so and then you test and test and test.

It can be tough and it can be grinding but in the end it’s always rewarding. The funny thing is, and I know it’s cliché, is that science requires a hell of a lot of creativity and unilateral thinking. It’s no wonder that when asked most scientists cite things as ‘literature’ ‘painting’ ‘graphic design’ etc etc, as their alternate professions. I think no matter how we would be ‘born again’ it would always be into something that requires an unwavering, single minded, determination.

Sorry nothing much about Japan today but just a little bit of insight into the research world. I’ve been thinking a lot about it through the sleepless nights recently. I’ll leave you with a quote from the big boss man of RIKEN and Nobel laureate Professor Noyori.

“If I were to live my life again would I still be a scientist. Definitely not. I’d be a painter”

oyasumi nasai,mata kondo ne.

Can't complain

Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to really get to know your true self. When someone turned around to me and said, “You complain a lot don’t you.” It made me realize, yes I really do. I brashly brushed it off by playing up the Englishman stereotype but it really struck a nerve. I do complain to much, far too much and so I think it’s time to reflect on the good instead.

Once again I’m very busy with work, I’ve spent the weekend working and it’s only going to get worse till mid February but there are a few positives to come out of it as well. List time.

1.     I’m finally getting back into the wet labs. I’ve been sent a plasmid construct from Liverpool to do some recombinant protein work. A what to do who with a whatnow? A plasmid is a small circular piece of DNA that contains a site where the DNA sequence can be readily manipulated. These plasmids are readily taken up by bacteria, which will then express whatever genes are encoded by the DNA sequence on the plasmid.

In this case we have combined a protein gene with a sequence from a virus that leads to the gene being over expressed so we get bucketloads of the stuff. The protein itself has been tweaked slightly so that specific sites can be labeled, in this case with heavy metals. My hope is that this will improve their scattering power when I run experiments with Josie.

2.     My labeling studies are also going well. I’ve found the equipment I need, gathered the components and just need to do the final few reactions. Hopefully this will produce some really exciting results in the upcoming experiments.

3.     The two guys who came out from Liverpool when I started here are back. It’s great to see them again and it’s also great to not have to wrestle with Josie by myself. Not only can I focus on other things but it's dropped my stress levels down a notch. In just one day we’ve managed to pin down a potential fault in Josie’s circuitry, one of them is an electronic engineer so what was a nightmare map of circuits to me was a doddle for him. Also they brought mushy peas and granola. I’m eternally grateful.

4.     I’ve come to appreciate that I have met some really sound people out here. Even if I can’t see them all the time I do get is fantastic so I should just enjoy it and not worry about afterwards.

5.     All that energy wasted moaning has been put to good use and I have found meaningful outlets, work arounds to blocks to my enjoyment and so on.

All in all it’s been a decent week and I’m going to try and maintain my positive attitude in the coming month. A short but indulgent post I’m sorry but I think it’s good to get these things in writing. In light of this new exploration into the self I produced a Johari and Nohari window that you can fill in if you have the time. I love learning new things and I’m a bit of a narcissist so please indulge me.

http://kevan.org/johari?view=marcusct
http://kevan.org/nohari?view=MarcusCT

Ja mata kondo ne.

Ja mata kondo ne.

Talks with my Grandad

 

Well it's been a while since my last post and that's because I’m back home for the holidays, taking a break from work and visiting friends and family. Of course I’m having a wonderful time with little time to blog, and answering the same three questions over and over and over again.

On Christmas day I had an incredible chat with my Granddad Jimmy. I don't know if I'd mentioned it before but my Granddad was actually in Japan 60 years ago during his military service. He was stationed out there for a year and a half in a town called Kiori just north of Hiroshima. He used to tell me loads of stories about it when I was little and I think it’s where my infatuation with the country grew from.

We spent a good bit of the day exchanging experiences and it occurred to me that he was actually in Japan at a very interesting time, a few years after the dropping of the A-bomb and also in the midst of the Korean War. He told me about a lot of things, many interesting memories particularly about the prisoner camps and stuff he was told by the locals about their treatment by occupying forces not long after the war. I wish I'd written more down so I decided to do a little interview which I’ve transcribed here. I hope you find it interesting よろしくおねがいします。

1.You went out to Japan by boat.  How long did it take and what was the most interesting place you stopped on the way?

It took about 6 weeks in total. I’d say Sialom (was the most interesting). The vegetation was very and well everything was nice about it. It was just beautiful.

2.What was your first impression when you arrived?

In Japan? Well we went of a night and it was freezing. That left a big impression ‘cos I thought it was always going to be hot. We arrived about March, February or March.

3.What did you spend most of your time doing out there?

I was a clerk. I was in the Royal Army A corps so I was a clerk doing men’s pay. Debits and credits. But I didn’t like it. So then another Job I got was with a Japanese driver to drive me around in one of their cabs and I used to take all the mail to all the camps.

4.Where was your favorite place to visit in your local area?

In Kiori? There was a place called Kiori house. That was where akk the soldiers went of every different nationality. It was a big place. It sold Australian beer and sake, which wasn’t very nice really. I used to go walking a lot, though I couldn’t tell you where it was. I didn’t know the names of places. We went to Hiroshima a lot as well, when we finished work around 4 o’clock.

 

5.Obviously there are many cultural differences between Japan and England. What was the biggest shock for you?
Well what we were told here about them (Japanese people) I found was very different. I found they were very honest and very open. The biggest shock I found were where morals were concerned. They had communal baths and all that. The men and the women together, that shocked me a bit. Many of them just took it for granted. They were used to it. Also I didn’t like the food. Fruit was alright. A bit of rice maybe, I liked rice.

6.Do you have any interesting memories of individual locals?

I used to speak to this marathon runner, he used to run for Japan. Well I used to try and speak to him. He could speak a little bit of English. I never knew much Japanese. He used to go to work and run and he’d take a tobacco tin full of rice and a bit of raw fish and that's what he used to have all day.

I found, well I used to work in and office and the girls were quite nice there you know. Very polite and that. The only thing I didn’t like about them is that if a bird came in the office they used to call it ‘chop chop’. They’d want to eat it and I’d want to let it go.

(I’d just like to point out here that my Granddad is a massive bird lover. For the whole time I’ve known him he’s kept an aviary in his back garden and some of my fondest memories are of visiting bird shows with him.)

7.Did you ever experience any hostility towards yourself or people with you?

No, no, no. None of that at all. I used to talk to the students, they were very open about it, about what happened and all that. But it was their way of life. So different from us you know? Army wise and their orders. If you gave up you were a coward.

8.How did you cope with the weather?

Well I didn’t like the heat. I used to get up about 4 or 5 in the morning and go for a walk before it started getting hot around 10. Then I used to keep out in the shade. Fill around 4 or 5pm, then it was a bit nicer.

We were right by the sea so I used to go with this fella yachting. One day the officers were having a race and this fella, he’d been wounded in an infantry regiment, they’d put him in charge of Yachts. One day they’d asked us to fit into the race because they were short of people in the race. We cheated and won. We took the heavy bit in the middle of the boat out, took a lot of weight off us and we flew away.

10.What did you find most difficult?

Nothing really I liked it. We used to play a lot of games, they loved baseball and played the Canadians a lot. We did a lot of athletics as well. It wasn’t that difficult really, everyday things, going to work. I never really felt I was in the army more or less I was just a clerk.

11.Any other interesting memories?

I used to go to Miyajima, maybe 3 or 4 times or more. I used to get leave to stay there of a weekend. It was handy for s like cos I knew the fella with a yacht. And we could go to Hiroshima whenever we wanted. I found that very interesting and was shocked. I never thought they (America) should have dropped the bomb, they (Japan) were more or less giving up anyway. I thought it was a disgrace.

12.Anything else?

Only about the Prisoners when the Korean war was over. they were all taken to a camp called JRBD and when you went into the camp it was full of all their (Korean) money. You could pick up as much as you want. They didn’t want to kow about anything. They dragged them down to the Ships handcuffs, MP’s as well. They didn’t want to go back.

Well that's all I’ve got hope you found it interesting and a big thanks to my Granddad for the chat. Also thanks to everyone for reading my ramblings for a year.

Akemashite omodetou gozaimasu (Happy new year). See you on the other side.

Coming to an understanding

So can you tell who the odd one out is? That's right it’s me, I’m the only one without glasses right. Ok this wonderful picture of my lab group aside I do stick out like a sore thumb in this country. This has been hardest thing to adjust to for me being from such a cultural melting pot as Britain I really don’t like sticking out so much, being in the minority when I travel about, the staring took a little getting used to.

I don’t want to make it sound negative, it’s not malicious or anything but I do feel my neck burning often. It’s something many people talk about, the ‘gaijin’ bubble. You never truly accepted out here no matter what your current status, language skill level, or who your friends are and after talking to a few it’s something that just doesn’t change.

It’s a little bit sad in a way, it makes it very difficult to meet locals as most don’t want to know or are afraid of looking foolish, as they can’t speak English so well. Most of the people I do meet are exceptional for wanting to associate with foreigners. It doesn't make them bad people, far from it, but it does give a rather skewed impression of the Japanese people as a whole. I’m sure this would change once I grasp the language a little better but after 8 months of being here I still feel like I’m watching Japan from inside a glass box.

This post is mainly stemming from the fact I’ve had little time to travel of late and therefore plenty of time for reflection. Sadly work has taken the forefront again, lots to do. Josie is still out of action and as yet I don’t know how to fix her. Also after a hectic week we have now started another slot of beamtime, 9 days our longest yet. It’s scary and tiring but exciting. My new samples are looking good and I really think we can take some good images.

 

So back to being an outsider, it’s not that bleak I guess, though sometimes the gawping from the school kids (particularly teenage boys) gets to me. It’s not a nice feeling for anyone and I don’t like being looked at like I'm an alien. Still I’m making some sort of headway. Sam and myself were actually approached by some of the staff at our local climbing gym the other day whilst struggling with a problem. So our conversation was pretty rudimentary but it was something. Slowly getting there I guess, just need to work harder, grow some balls and speak more.

Also I really do feel as though I’m starting to bond with my colleagues. I’m not sure if Koreans are just a bit more open, if it’s because my  boss spent some time in the states, or if it’s my continued hard work that's impressed them, but I definitely feel more included. I’ve also recently started learning the Korean language (the alphabet is awesome its like lego) so that may factor into it a bit more also. I think showing appreciation and interest in anyone's home culture will always endear you to people.

I’m not sure if these feelings will last, maybe I’m just on a low ebb right now. Over tired, over stressed and over worked. I’m not in bad shape or anything just fed up of being in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps things would be different if I lived near a city? I don’t really know and I guess I won’t anytime soon. At any rate for every bad experience I’ve had there are plenty of good ones to outweigh them. For the time being I’m still fairly happy with where I am. I mean look how pretty it is.

Right tant over I’ll talk a bit more bout what I’ve been up to recently. So as some of you may already know I’ve been trying to take my writing to new levels, particularily in the field close to my heart, trashy sci-fi. At the moment I’m working on a story for a writing contest put forward by a synchrotron in the UK called Diamond. As well as this I’ve submitted a story to nature, I’m pretty excited that the editor actually accepted it. Whilst that's by no means a publication at least it will get read.

I also tried my hand at a bit of scientific writing for the Medical Research Centre in London. They plan to put out a picture of scientific importance everyday of the year and they needed writers to pen the caption. Suffice to say I didn’t make the cut but I was thrilled at the opportunity to try and even got some helpful feedback.

Hopefully I’ll get to put some of this practice to good use soon as if this beamtime goes well I should have some data of my own to analyze and potentially publish. This time I’m hoping to look at one of my own samples, rather than one supplied by a collaborator.

My sample of choice is a preparation of microtubules, one of the three filamentous structures that contribute to the internal structure of our cells known as the cytoskeleton. Microtubules are large biological structures consisting of two proteins, alpha and beta tubulin, arranged head to tail in a cylindrical fashion. They are involved in all aspects of cellular activity, movement, replication, transport of materials and overall shape.

What is particularly interesting about them is a property known as dynamic instability. These complexes structures can rapidly assemble and disassemble within our cells in a very organized fashion. This is particularly important in events such as cellular migration, replication and differentiation which rely on the rapid movement of components within a cell at a much faster rate than can be achieved by diffusion alone..

The forces involved in these complex processes, from the linking of individual tubulins, organisation into single fibres and then the packing of fibres into bundles, are of great interest to many scientists, however there are a few problems. Firstly the process is call Dynamic INSTABILITY for a reason. The structures formed are very transient and so to image them you have to be either really fast or fix them in some way. Of course once fixed you lose a lot of important information about the process. Still the process of fixation itself isn't so well understood so there could be something interesting to investigate there also

The second is that whilst fairly long these things are also very thin. This makes it difficult to see any of the minor details of their arrangement particularly tricky. We are hoping that we can use the technologies we’ve been developing over the past few years to get a closer look at these stupendous strands. I’m not sure what the data will look like but I think we might be able to find something interesting out. Right back to work, all aboard the chirpy bus of wonder.

がんばるやん。

Ja mata Minna-san.

Today

Today I lost a spanner,
I also lost my Gran,
So far from home and comfort,
I'll just do what I can.

'Keep calm and carry on.'
Thats the British moto.
"Shouganai" As the Japanese say,
But hell I just don't want to.

Scream and rage and vent,
Thats what I wish I could do,
Or at least talk with the rest of the fam,
I know you're feeling it to.

But that won't honor her memory,
That won't do her Justice.
Dear sweet Thelma you were a wonder,
And by the Jones' will be missed.

The strength you harboured,
Unbelievable,
My drive and commitment,
I got it from you.

Such compassion and heart,
You had that as well.
Upon sad times,
You never did dwell.

Even three years later,
You never faltered,
Even though your life,
Was so drastically altered.

The flame of your courage,
Burns in us all.
Your light will surely guide us,
All over the world.

She put up with us for long enough,
I'm sure she'd agree.
Always the first to quip,
At our quirky family.

I bet she took one look at death,
And with a hint of glee,
Told him to get on with it,
I've better places to be.

So I call to all my relatives,
Listen to me well,
Be brave just like Thelma,
One Hell of a gal.

Harrowing Hiroshima He

Day 5 and we were up bright and early for what I hoped would be a very fun and fascinating trip to the world famous city of Hiroshima. I don’t think I need to tell you why it’s famous, so I won’t. Again I was very excited about this trip, not only because of where we were going but also because it would mark my first ever trip by Shinkansen.

I’d looked up all the train details, how we would get to the various sites and so on. After yesterday I think in fact I was over prepared. Life of course always likes to throw obstacles in your way. I arrived at Umeda to meet my mum alone, it turned out my Dad had lost his credit card and needed to go back to the hotel. She told me to go on ahead as I needed to buy a ticket and if they didn’t show up on time just to leave.

I went to Shin-Osaka alone but there was no way I was heading all the way out to Hiroshima by myself. The parentals arrived just after the Sakura (the train I had intended for us to catch) had left. Set back number one. I asked a nearby attendant about trains, we could apparently take another train in another half an hour so no problem.

Dad however was still, understandably, in a foul mood. His card hadn’t shown up and so he deemed the day was ‘not right’ and refused to come with us. Reluctantly mum and myself accepted this, though the journey would be a bit tainted without dad. He had after all really been looking forward to going to Hiroshima.

Not long after we had alighted and sat down my mum got a text. Turns out at the last minute Dad had changed his mind and got on the train.　“うれしなー” I was pretty glad, pain though he is it just wouldn’t have been the same. The next problem was not far away however. We had boarded the Kodama Shinkansen, which it turns out stops at every station. So rather than taking 1 and a half hours the trip took over 3.

Still although we were down about 2 hours we carried on with our initial plan. First up we were off to Miyajima Island to the south west of Hiroshima. There was plenty to see up there but my main goal was to check out the floating tori gates. Basically these giant Shinto gates are built into the Bay of Miyajima Island and when the tide is high enough they appear to be floating.

 

To get there we had a short, but nonetheless enjoyable ferry ride. We were all very grateful of the nice sea breeze, which provided a break from the relentless heat of Japan’s summer. The views were also great and we got a nice view of the gates from the sea.

Arriving on the island it was apparently only a 10-minute walk to the gate. However the streets were lined with souvenir shops and restaurants and other interesting things, it seemed to take a lot longer. I bought some “momiji” a kind of maple leaf shaped manju as a gift for Yuko. Alongside this was the constant distraction of deer. They were everywhere and very unabashed by the presence of humans. I guess no one on the Island really eats venison.

 

The shrine itself cost money to enter and after our escapades in Kyoto we’d had our fill of shrines. I had to wade out through the sea to get up close though. I asked someone nicely to take a picture for me though it was a little difficult to get the angle right.

With Miyajima ticked off my list we departed in the direction of Hiroshima’s A-bomb dome and memorial Peace Park. This was not before picking up a sea eel steamed bun, they are apparently only available at Miyajima so I couldn’t really pass up that opportunity. It was very tasty though a bit more bun than filling I think.

 

As aside note due to the Jet-lag and heat my parents appetites were all over the place which sadly triggered some bad habits in myself. As such we very rarely ate and I believe this was at the root of a lot of our narkyness and unpredictable energy levels. Sorry guys for letting some of my old habits get the better of me, it’s much less of an issue than it was but I think travelling just gave me opportunity to make excuses. My mums advice to just be selfish is something I need to pay heed to next time.

Anyway ravings aside we took a pleasant, if a bit long, tram ride back towards central Hiroshima. In the trams defense it was very cool on what was an incredibly hot day and much more pleasant than seeing Hiroshima by foot. I had steeled myself a bit for this leg of our visit to Hiroshima, I knew it would be intense but I was still to be shocked.

The A-bomb dome was one of the few concrete structures n Hiroshima at the time of the bombing and is one of the few structures that remained partially intact following the explosion. What I found morosely interesting is that you can actually judge the relative position of the bomb by the areas of the dome that are most devastated. This site marks the entrance to the expansive memorial park and is maintained, as a reminder of the atrocity humanity is capable of.

 

Of the many memorials in the park the one that sticks in my mind most strongly is the Children’s peace monument. This is a dedication to all the children that lost their lives due to the Atomic bomb and it’s after effects. What makes it exceptional to me is that in the display surrounding it are thousands of origami cranes. It is said that if you can make 1000 cranes your wish will be granted. Children from all over the world send in their cranes to wish for peace, incredible. It is also a tribute to Sadako, a young girl whom contracted Leukemia following the bombing and died several years later. On her deathbed she folded canes, trying to reach 1000, and wishing for peace.

The park is brimming with monuments and I don’t think my mere words could do them justice, so I won’t even begin to try. We eventually arrived at the main event as it where, the Hiroshima memorial peace museum. This costs only 50yen to enter and I can assure you it is the best 50yen that you will ever spend.

As always with Japanese museums and galleries the economy of space and layout are fantastic. The only thing I can really criticize is that the positioning and size of English text is usually very difficult, at least for me, to read. Then again it’s not an English speaking country so why should I expect English to be in the prime position.

That aside the museum is brilliant, guiding you through the history of Hiroshima, through the events that lead to its bombing, the even itself and finally what is and should be happening now. It was quite harrowing at times. Some exhibits that hit home really hard for me where the pre and post bomb models of Hiroshima and the many displays relating to “Pika”.

 

Pika was the name the Japanese people gave to the sickness caused by cellular damage inflicted by irradiation. This includes not only the immediate radiation sickness that took so many lives, but also the long term illness, such as leukemia and other cancers, that took yet more lives so many years after the event. Those effected where known as “被爆者” literally meaning explosion effected people.

These hibakusha were truly inspirational, many of them dedicating their lives to furthering the knowledge of treatment of radiation sickness and cancers. Many gather at Hiroshima year after to share their stories of the event and ensure that generations continue to be informed. The self-sacrifice of many hibakusha is a stalwart reminder of the self-sacrifice and unitary nature of Japanese society.

Rounding of the exhibits are a series of paintings drawn by survivors of the event to reflect their feelings at the time. Again I don’t need to describe these they speak for themselves. If you are ever in Japan you can do no wrong by visiting the memorial museum. I spent a good 3 hours there and by no means did I see everything.

In fact I was in there so long that auld lang syne began to play, the Japanese signal for “get the hell out of here”. I met up with the rents downstairs who where not too pleased at once again having to wait for me. Since It was approaching dinnertime I suggested we head out to Okonomimura, a quarter in Hiroshima dedicated to Okonomiyaki.

It would be more accurate to say Hiroshimayaki actually as it is very different to Okonomiyaki in Osaka. Either way it wasn’t too far to walk but on arriving most places were looking pretty full and my Dad was developing a face like a wet fish. I can read the signs he was tired, stressed and desperate not to miss the train.

Gutted not to try Hiroshimayaki but happier to have a less bemused dad we boarded the Tram back to the JR station. This time we got the right Shinkansen, the Hikari, and were back in Osaka by about 9pm. From Umeda we went our separate ways. Thoroughly exhausted from another long day we decided tomorrow we would tak it easy in preparation for the few days in Tokyo. I grabbed some takoyaki on my way back to J-hoppers before turning in early.

Mata ne Minna (Once again at least 50% of the credit for photies goes to that ace photographer Barry Jones).

Why I'm a munky and things I'll miss.

Well thats why haha. Rock climbing, although I don't profess to be any good at it, I'm absolutely in love with it. The climbing scene in liverpool is a sub culture I didn't even know about and I'm sad I've only scratched the surface. I took it up in early October and have mainly been doing it at indoor rock gyms, though I've been out to some proper crag a couple of times and it now dominates my mind. In fact you could say I'm obsessed.

For most people that word is thrown about flippantly but to me it has a multitude of connotations, most of them negative. I feel I've come along way in my head space to get to the point where I can comfortably say I'm obsessed with something. As I alluded to earlier I'm still recovering from depression and an eating disorder and obsession and compulsion play such a large part in that. My biggest and most dangerous vice was compulsive over exercising. I was 'obsessed' as it were. It was something I 'needed' to do. Looking back I have no idea why.

But still I will say I'm obsessed with rock climbing, amongst a few other things.

Without obsession, life is nothing.
John Waters

And I agree, to have a deep-seated passion for something is genuinely important, so long as it is something you still derive pleasure to. I climb because I want to, not because I need to. I think another reason I've taken to it so much is the powerful metaphor of climbing a mountain, reaching the top. It's a particularly definitive end goal. Life is viewed by some as one long climb or journey. The struggles, the problems you encounter and solve on the way to the summit are all part of what makes it all so worthwhile. I've climbed part of the way out of the abyss of my depression. There were many hiccups, pitfalls and other cliches and I'm sure there will be more, but just like in climbing, reaching each new handhold, position, mental state or whatever just helps to make you stronger.

The other great thing about climbing. The people. You can't do it on your own, you have to rely on others. Someone needs to hold that rope. Again this true in life and the people I've met to hold my 'ropes' are awesome and will be sorely missed whilst I'm away. I thought it would be important to recognise this here so it;s not such a big shock once I hit Japan. Shock, stress, new places, isolation. These are all big triggers for me. but I'm never truly alone when there are so many great people thinking about me so I'm gonna recognise them now.

My great family
This is just a snapshot. I've been blessed with a big family, and whilst they wind me up from time to time (well nearlly all the time) it's only because they care. they've put up with so much of my crap these past 22 years, been with me for the triumphs and the failures and taken them all the same.

I obviously would have never got this far without them and I hope they bare with me as I carry on my journey. I'll be in touch all the time of course (wonders of the modern age) but it won't be the same, sometimes you just want a mothers hug or your dads home cooking. You are in my heart and mind guys.

My incredible friends
These guys are unbelievable. I know its a tad over done to say your friends would die for you but I honestly know that some of them would. Whether I've known them 2 or 22 years my current circle of friends are super tight. A lot of people often comment on it. We've been through so much, and will probably go through even more and enjoy every minute of it.

I feed off their positive energy. Take it when they slap me down and keep me grounded. I don't think I'd be alive if it wasn't for you guys. I know being separated from them played a big part in my despair and they will be sorely missed. Even when we dont see each other for long periods, even when we fight, I know it won't last. We always come back together and our bond of friendship is all the stronger for it. I can talk to you guys about anything so please keep in touch :)

Ultimate Frisbee
Not just the lovely people on the right (Liverpool Uni's Ultimate frisbee team) but all the awesome people I've met or played with/against over the years.

Ultimate is my other 'obsession' and I've been playing it a while now. I've seen it come along way and in particular in my local area. It's sad to walk away from a scene thats getting so good, and my chances to play in Japan may be a bit restricted.

The best thing about ultimate though, is I've never met anyone who plays it that is a complete bellend, so hopefully no matter where I am there will be nice people to chase some disk with.

The city of liverpool
 Well its were I was born, it contains all my favourite people and place ( Mattas-the best shop ever, Awesome walls and the hanger, Sefton park, Great museums and galleries to name but a few). Defoo gonna miss this place.

Other things I'll miss? Well there are a few trivial things, Roman letters maybe? Peanut butter for sure. I bet there are a thousand other things to. Sorry this one was so long and rambling but it is 4 days till I leave now. This has been really playing on my mind. Best to get it out now so it doesn't over shadow all the awesome new things I'll see/feel/experience whilst I'm out there. Plus nine months is nothing right.

“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.”

Rosalia de Castro