From east to west.

There was actually a final little leg in my tour around Japan during the week of holidays I took before coming home. I had a lovely bike ride around a very cool temple town called Kamakura, and saw the final of the three great sitting Buddha statues (大仏). I'll put up some nice pictures in this post so you can have a look. It was a great end to the trip, I saw some sights in Kamakura that I'd been meaning to see for a while and also hooked up with some other old friends who'd moved out to Kanto, I was so grateful to see them one last time.

What I really want to write here is that, well I'm home. I got back about two months ago and well, yeah that is about it. Nothing really earth shattering has happened and all the stuff people told me about coming back has pretty much turned out to be true.

It's been good to meet up with my old mates of course, but I really am missing all the good friends I made back in Japan. I think I left the country in part to get away from the Identity that I had built up around me in the UK. This is going to sound weird, but I didn't feel like me for about 1 or 2 years before leaving. Well I think I found myself, or someone, and I definitely feel richer for it.

Being in Japan taught me a lot of things I didn't know about myself, science, and the world in general. So if you don't mind I'll indulge myself and list them:

1. I love being around people but my god it drains me. I think I've always been more introverted than I let on. My close friends in the UK are quite intense and present, and I love them for it. Sadly thought sometimes in social situations I had just had to shout louder or not be heard. Being stuck up a mountain gave me a lot of time to chill by myself and I found in doing that I could enjoy my time with people even more.

2. I really can achieve stuff if i dedicate myself to it. During my time I picked up, amongst other things: another language, programming, accelerator physics and basic optics, SAXS, snowboarding, some electronics, basic graphic design. My skill sets have increased quite a bit and I'm infinitely grateful for it. I do need to apply myself more still, but I have more confident that I can achieve.

3. Hard work does pay off, even if it really takes a lot of time. Something I learnt from my boss "If you want something hard enough you can make it happen, but it will take a lot of effort".

4. I'm a lot smarter than I think, but not smart enough, but noone really is so it's best to keep learning.

5. Knowing when to take a step back. I have a tendency to do too much, I really do enjoy being active. Sadly my body doesn't always agree but I'm coming to terms with it and just making the time to chill.

6. Food just isn't that scary. Allergies make food pesky, but I make it an issue, sometimes I just need to consider other people and let things go.

7. I really hate disappointing people, it is my biggest fear. I think I run away from a lot of social situations and responsibility because of it. I'm 25 now, I think I'm old enough to get over myself and just accept that sometimes people get hurt or put out because of my actions, regardless of intention. So long as I'm sincerely sorry for that it should be fine, and if not they probably aren't the kind of person worth worrying about.

I could go on I'm sure, but I won't. I've been asked a lot if I miss it out there. I could easily answer yes, though honestly I miss the people more than the country. There is a lot right about Japan but there is also a lot wrong too. I think I got sucked a bit too into the negative and I should try and be more positive when people ask about it. I didn't have the best experience, I wasn't in a sugar coated bubble, but I think it was fuller for that reason. I'm happy I left when I did as some things were starting to make me bitter, something I would have hated to become.

Ultimately I was out there to study. I'd like to think that I did enough work to get my PhD and I should really start writing up soon. I'm still throwing myself at work though and trying to squeeze out some more results. I guess you can take the the man out of Japan but not the Japan out of the man. That or I'm just trying to escape the feelings of loss and reverse culture shock, probably the latter. Either way the whole experience did disillusion me with the scientific process. I'm going to need think long and hard about my next move.

I guess this was a long winded way to say that I am going to retire from this blog. It has served its purpose, fulfilled its mission statement if you will. I've enjoyed writing and growing and I'm glad some of you came along for the ride. I'm going to keep it back just so I can look back on the memories and the great times I had.

This is of course not the end though. I'm sure I'll be writing something again soon, I need an outlet for my musings. However, for the time being the monkey is hanging up his travelling cloak and putting his walking staff to one side. It was a phenomenal 2 and a half years. Truly life changing. I'm grateful for the places I've been, the things I've done, the sounds I've heard, but most importantly the people I met. You are now a little part of me, maybe more than a little actually, so don't forget about me ね。

Well I guess this is it, Sayonara Japan, I'm sure we'll see each other again.