Being an Adult

Ah 久しぶりです。This past month has been somewhat mental. Between all the work (oh so much work) and the other writing I’ve been doing I’ve had very little time to blog. Nothing serious mind just some short fiction but I did manage to get my first story published (a whole $5 is mine to do with as I wish.)

Now to the meat of this post. As I said lots and lots of work so no real adventures, and to be honest not much sleep either. Still when you aren’t sleeping it does give you plenty of time to think and I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

The thing is it was my Birthday recently; I’m nearly a quarter of a century old now. I’ve never liked the run up to my birthday and I think these days I just assume the worst and get into a bad frame of mind. Quite a few mishaps have occurred between my last post and now and I put it down to bad birthday luck.

But that's crap. 90% was my own carelessness and the other ten, well it just couldn’t be helped I think. The thing it got me thinking about is what really makes you “an adult”? When do you cross that line? I always thought it was something to do with making it out on your own, being accepted by others and respected and so on, and yet sometimes I still feel like a kid.

The thing is due to my own carelessness I’ve lost or damaged some things at work recently. Now these things happen I know but I truly am week to things, facts figures, faces, quotes, no problem. Things, forget about it (and I do). Either way that's not the problem. It was how I handled it.

Now obviously I was upset and what made it worse was a dressing down from the administrative staff. I’m sure I’d of had it worse if I was Japanese but they were still pretty stern. Suddenly I felt about ten again. The trust was gone, I’d let them down and I felt incapable.

I’ve got a real thing about letting others down, it really triggers my mood and I need to get a handle on it. Thinking on it though it is childish. Sure you can let people down but I think the ‘grown up’ thing to do is accept it, apologize sincerely and then get on with it.

Most people are pretty tied up in their own lives you see. These little mishaps impact them so little in the long run. I do want to keep a low profile though and I’ve not helped that this month, sticking out is not a good thing around here. Maybe I’m just trying too hard these days, definitely I’m working too hard. I can’t please everyone and I should just accept that.

Do we ever really grow up though and in the end what does that mean? I haven’t the foggiest. Independence? Nah everyone needs help sometimes? Not screwing up? Haha with my scatterbrain that’ll never happen. Screwing up and setting it right? Yeah that’s probably more like it. Maybe being n adult isn’t about controlling your life but taking ownership of it.

 

So where do I go from here. Well just keep doing what I’m doing I think. I guess I’m still busy and I’m still a scatterbrain so I’m sure accidents will happen again. The key is to accept it, be mindful of ones self and hope for the best ey?　There are still plenty of things I can do and am capable of. Maybe I should write them down one day. When the brown stuff hits the fan I've always been someone that gets stuff done at least. Anyway I’ll be back with something more interesting next time I’m sure.

Ja mata neee.